Tuesday, November 10th 2009

Good afternoon! Missed a couple days over the weekend. Today's card is:




Well, what do you think? This is the mix of fire and earth, and is a sexual sensual card! I have been discussing it with Jennie, and rather than go into a lengthy repeat of that discussion, I'll just cut and paste that in here. I got the card reversed, which was very important in the flow and feel of things. Here you go:

JASON: The Princess of Wands Reversed means someone is being unrealistic of their capabilities around me. Take a good look around before I charge ahead. Look at where I am being deceived in some way. I may have promised something to someone that I am unable to give. It might be wise to confess that I cannot complete the project and ask for help. My enthusiasm has gotten me into trouble and I might be feeling a bit over my head.

The court cards are other people in my life, and while some of what is written above sounds very true, my question is: WHO is this card referring to?

Am I being authentic in my goals? Am I being my authentic self? Or am I intentionally manipulating the circumstances to my advantage?

I don't know for sure. You have any intuitive ideas?

JENNIE: The court cards can refer to you as well as people around you. I think it refers to what both of us are feeling right now. I bit in over our heads in regards to the house and money, you with your business, and the things that now need to be fixed. We recognize that and now we are taking a look at it and coming up with a plan. I think it is a reminder to FOLLOW that plan or we may become more overwhelmed.

You can find more on Jennie's blog, at www.Istillcantfuckingfindjenniesblog.com

Thursday, November 5th 2009

Today was the Empress Trump Card!

The angels of the Femine Protective Nurturing Mother. Agnel of the Physical Mother

The Planet of Love and Pleasure!

So... what does this mean for me? Jennie says I ALWAYS pull this card and that the univesrse is trying to tell me something. WHAT? I don't know. The Path says: The key to awareness is self-love. Take time to be with yourself. Do something uplifting and fun.

So for today, that's good advice. Let's be quiet, and do something fun that I need, and be quiet and alone. I want to organize my house, that would be fun. Watching the Office would be fun. What could I do alone? Writing this blog is fun and usually uplifting. Hm... Get back to basics and rekindle the simplicitiy in my life.

You know, I've been feeling a bit of that in my new house. It's so big and new, and I want to enjoy it. I felt that energy the other day when I was playing with my dog Churchill on the carpet. Just laying on the carpet and playing and having fun. That was just so COOL! I need to go and spend some time playing with the dogs. That would be uplifting and homeish. I should eat better, sleep more and get back to the DANCE of life! I like this card! It keeps coming up and the universe IS trying to tell me something.

I also know I need to get out and hike around my new home. That is WITHOUT A DOUBT something that I've been feeling. Get out and get outside. :) That is cool.

Emotionally I think it's a good idea to reconnect with family. Like my kids! Do something fun with them all. Make sure to protect Ame in particular! Watch a Movie. Play a board game. Just hang out. I felt this the other day when the kids were coming in late and going out. I said, we need to all be together in the house. We don't necessarily need to be doing the same thing, (though that would be nice) but we need to all just be home and spend time together. Nothing is cooler than doing that. I love when the kids come in and watch TV with Jennie and me, like So You Think You Can Dance, or Hell's Kitchen, or American Idol. We used to watch a lot more TV together in the past, and I miss just spending time with my kids.

Oh and eating dinner together! That is so fun and exciting to do, of course I love to cook, which is something I've got to do again recently and it's been just great. I make a neat Potato Soup and Tomato Soup. And Jennie makes a great Malibu Chicken!

Where may I be of assistant to others? With Jennie, to be her fire and her rock. Both! :) And the kids, to be their protectors, and listen to them and help them navigate the tough years of teenage stuff. They need me more than ever, with no mother, and losing their Grandmother. you can't take for Granted that they are just OKAY even when they SEEM okay. They need regular family meetings and life lessons. I know this because I can feel it and it is so consistent.

How can I nurture myself? Jennie? My kids? My Dad? The world? How can I get in touch with that oh so mysterious and strange feminine and let it flow through me in natural cycles? Today?

Self love! Get the brain and the spirit together today. It is time to rejoice and be happy. I am nurting myself and others, and it is a beautiful experience full of love and sharing. I have done well and I feel success.

Do I need to slow down and nurture myself? - ABSOLUTELY!

Am i giving too much of myself away? - In some areas probably

How do I express my love and compassion in the real world on a daily basis? - Good question. Through Hugs?

Who do I need to learn to hope my heart to? - My kids? Jennie? Myself?

Why am I afraid to love? - I'm not. But what aspect am I afraid to love?

How can i be loved if I am holding parts of myself away from others? - Not very well, can I? But I've been opening up lately, particularly to Jennie.

Speaking of Jennie, check out her blog: http://www.wherethehellisjenniestarotblog.com/

Wednesday November 4th, 2009

Ace of Disks

I think Ihave had this before. This is a balance card. Things are finally coming together on all levels. Here you are seeking wholeness. This card is like having your cake and eating it too! What do I need in order to feel secure in the physical plane? For me at the moment that seems tied to Jennie, but I think there are some internal things going on that are REALLY what's takeing place. Consider the big changes, business with Wizard of the Coast, my Mother passing away, a new house, and Jennie's own changes. My children are growing and changing, I'm managing that, I'm also starting this journey on the Tarot which requries me to look inside so much it can be really uncomfortable. Am I ready to have all I want? A beautiful sensual intelligent spiritual wife? A beautiful new home? A fantastic relationship with my children? A prosperous beyond my wildest dreams business? It's true, you can have it all, but you have to accept it, be ready for it, and ask for it. This card is saying, DO IT. Be ready. Have it all! Manifest your dreams of goodness on the material realm! That sounds very much like me, and for me yesterday. (Yes, I'm still fucking behind a day!)

I can't remember Jennie's card yesterday. Hm....Oh... she didn't pull one till evening. Last thing she did during the day. What was it? I was standing right there. Hm... I can't remember.

Well on to tomorrow! (Which is today).

Tuesday, November 3rd 2009 - MORE

Queen of Disks

So yesterday I quickly told you what my card was but today I'm going to take a little bit more time and look at it better. Remember, Jennie's insight was that this card meant her and that I should rely on her more. So here we go:

Angel of Motherhood and Wifely Duties

This is the Virgo Virgo Card. This IS... THE... Virgo card. The sign of work and self improvement! As we allow teh pure joy of work to inuse our everyday world we learn that giving to others creatures a giving back to ourselves in other ways.

This is a practical card. Domestic. Nurturing, gentle and kind. Gracious, supportive, fruitful, and giving. Motivator. Determines Family Values. Patient, trustworthy, self-reliant, and good at setting boundaries.

This card could possibly reveal your stubborness if you live a life of unexpressed creativity.

This card reminds you to PLAY. Everyone else is having a good time, you need to give yourself permission to play. Take a moment and decide what you really want to be doing with your life. Now is the moment to create your dream. TODAY. DO IT. Everyone else around will be fine.

Hm... so what does that mean to me? And what does that mean to yesterday? Without a doubt as I read those things about this card I feel this positive energy and want those things in my relationship with Jennie. But I don't see what it means to me unless Jennie is right and she is saying I need to rely on those things in HER.

Hm...

It is a very positive card, I'm still not sure how it worked through me yesterday! Jennie had The Lovers Card. Let me read more about it:

Learning to love is the desire to find wholeness through opposition. Opposites attract in the dance of love and intimacy. Remember if you are drawn to someone, they are reflecting somethign to you that you are unable to see t this moment. In learning to love them you are learning to love that fragmented aspect within you. Bring that concept into your conscious awareness and allow the love to heal the lost parts within.

While once again I won't try to analyze Jennie here, this does bring some good thoughts about me. What in Jennie do I see that is a part of me that I need to heal? That is an interesting question.

Hm... Okay. I'm going to pull tomorrow's card (and yes, if you didn't realize it, I am writing this November 4th, so I really mean I'm pulling TODAY's CARD).

Today's Card is... Science AND Ace of Disks. I think I've pulled the Ace of Disks before. That might be my first duplicate. (So you are asking how I pulled TWO cards? I'll explain that! In the next post!)

Tuesday, November 3rd 2009

Today's card was the Queen of Disks, which is a motherly home card. Jennie told me it means that I need to rely on her more. It was cool. I was kind of at a loss as to what it might mean. Jennie's card was the Lovers, which still doesn't seem to mean much to me, but she thinks it's some type of integration with work and people. Something like that. I might add more to this later when I get some time.

Monday, November 2nd 2009

Good morning! So this morning's card for me was The Magus Bear Dreamer, and Jennie's card was Success! After the ruin of yesterday, she needs a little success! :) The Magus Bear Dreamer is one of the trump cards, the first one after the fool, and is a positive card. The bear dreamer version says to stay in your head! That today the call and the peace comes deep within. Isn't that cool, since yesterday I was filled with sexual rage and tension, today I'm at peace (apparently I moved enough enough furniture) and should look within for my answers. Let's read some more about it, but first let's take a look at it:

Note there is a lot of symbolism in the cards, which I haven't really touched on. We learned a lot about that in the class, and Jennie seems to understand that a heck of a lot better than I do. So I'm just going off the card interpretation more than the symbols in the card, but you can see the guy is being held by a big bear and he's dreaming.

So the angel for this card is the Angel of Communication through introspection and dreaming. So look WITHIN to get communication! This card tells you to turn inward!

On the physical level: The universe is asking me to stop and reevaluate my present circumstances before I begin. I wonder if this means selling Magic the Gathering? Or something else? It says I might be frustrated that things are not moving like I want them to. This could mean not having enough sex with Jennie. But it says to not worry. To not worry about her, but worry about me. Hmm? Could THAT be it? Not sure. This card is asking me to get ready INSIDE for change on the outside. Get ready before it happens. Get set. Turn inward and be totally ready to receive the change and start the journey. It says to imagine what the next step would be if I got what I have been asking for.

What if Jennie was a totally open companion? That's a good question to ask. What if she was really feminine and really CHALLENGED me with her feminine force. I have been trying to pull it out, but what if it FULLY comes out. That could be challenging and overwhelming. Am I ready for that? Or what if it's something else. Whatever it is, the chard is saying, get ready for the increased success and blessing you want in your life, no matter what it is.

Emotionally it says to face parts of yourself that you are afraid of. So on your quiet inward journey, what are you afraid of? Go there.

Spiritually it's pretty much the same thing. Go to where you are afraid. What is your TRUTH? Are you facing it? You are looking for spiritual wisdom that is FOR YOU. What is TRUE FOR ME? Be flexible. "This is what is true for me now in this moment, but as I grow nad evolve in the next moment that may change."

Go deep inside and communicate DEEPLY with your inner self. This is a separate from the chatter around you. Today... you need to seek your own wisdom deep inside. And trust it. Think subtly, subconcious, inspiration, higher planes of consciousness. Clairvoyance!

This card tells me to turn inwards today. I'm not sure if it relates to anything in my personal life right now that we've been talking about, but I will try to be quiet today, and calm, and peaceful, and look within for answers.

Love!

Okay Jennie pulled the Success Card! I'll look over it for a minute:

Six of Disks! - Here is the card:

Remember, I'm not trying to discuss how the card relates to Jennie. That is her own personal journey. But I'm just going over the card as a way to learn more about these cards:

This card basically says you are ready! Go for it! You are all settled. The pieces are in place. You have the skills, the knowledge, the confidence, the universe is aligned. Go for it. Tomorrow it might be different, but today you feel good and everything is looking up.

This is a YES card, a good positive card. Good things will happen today, go for it!

Sunday, November 1st, 2009

DOMINION

So this is the 2 of Wands. Wands are energy! Well yesterday was definite energy conflict. I also pulled this card upside down and it was one of the most insightful cards I have ever had. It warned me that my energy was out of control and that I needed to find a way to constructively take hold of the energy running through me right and use it for something good.

What did this mean? I knew EXACTLY what it meant. For whatever reason, Jennie is just sexual lately, and I'm getting to the point of just losing my mind over it. She has become more feminine lately, wearing dresses, and being more in tune with her feminine side, but none of that has come my way. She dressed in this sexy flapper dress for Halloween, she was the hit of the party, but was she interested in having sex? No.

I was thinking what Suzzanne said at our Tarot Reading Class, to this one woman whose husband was ultra frustrated with her because she had 'turned off' sexually. The reading was so interesting because I swear you could have applied much of it to Jennie and me, but the part I remember the most is what Suzzanne said about WHY the man had chosen this woman. It was because of SEX. Because her sexual energy. Without that, you are just friends, and he can get his friendship from guys. Suzzanne has a way of saying things blatantly, and just coming to the point. Notice to all women: It's ABOUT THE SEX. And it's not just about SEX SEX, it's about REAL SEXUAL ENERGY, the feminine energy is what men (or at least me) FEED OFF OF. IT keeps us GOING. When we want to give up and just escape the world, it is the WOMAN'S energy we need to keep going. David Deida was saying the same thing in his book Finding God Through Sex, which I read yesterday in the bathroom. It said men NEED a woman's sexual energy, it's what gives them power through the day. Without it they are just dying.

And YES there is another side to all this, what women need, which is LOVE, and being FILLED, but this card Dominino was so appropriate because I had just about run out of steam. I felt like I just can't keep going in a nonsexual relationship. And it reminds me of that song by Rush, Losing It, where he says "For you the blind, who once could see, the bell tolls for thee." Jennie was once completely open with me, all her feminine energy was given to me, fully. And I filled her up fully. But lately she's just closed. And it's literally tearing me apart. I'm not built for this.

It's ironic because she once warned me, nearly 2 years ago, that she and I could not survive in a level 2 relationship. At the time I kind of thougth we could, but she insisted we couldn't, and now I believe her. If we don't hit level three and open up to each other it just doesn't work.

And this card really helped me face that. It speaks of supressing angry (boy was I!). It suggested hitting pillows or going for a long solitary walk or hike. Let off some steam. And I was able to do that by first speaking with Jennie, and telling her flat out what I needed, which is her sexual energy and openness and her vulnerability, and her feminine side FOR ME! Not just for the world and work and for parties. And I need her to express VERBAL love for my children, and I need her to committ. These are things I need. And I was reading in David Deida's book that a true man is NOT afraid to tell a woman what he needs. I've been kind of feeling 'weak' for needing things (that is a whole 'nother card, I'm sure we'll see some day), and so I felt very clear and present. I told her what I needed. I need committment, I need to feel that safety, I need to know she loves my kids and won't let their messes cause her to leave, and I need her open sexual energy. There. I said it. I'm not weak.

So this card was correct in another way, it said once you get that energy off, and what I did beside telling Jennie was move a whole bunch of heavy furniture, that my head will be clear and I will feel better about the situation and make a more rational decision.

Which was totally true I felt much more loving and open toward Jennie instead of angry. And it led into tomorrow's card, which again shows the connectivity of all this stuff! There is a battle in me over Jennie, and when the sexual energy builds I stop seeing it rationally (or even spiritually).

Jennie's suggestion was instead of just hitting a pillow we have sex. But we never did, so I'm glad I moved the furniture.

Okay, onto a slightly different note, Jennie spent the weekend Party at Tommy's house reading people's card for 5 hours, and she did it again for a couple hours Saturday night at Brandy and Isaacs. She's getting way ahead of me so it's all the more important for me to keep pulling a card a day and learning about the cards!

Her card yesterday was totally her. It was the RUIN card, where again she was in her head. That's the girl's problem. She ought to listen to Hemispheres by Rush, where the heart and mind needs to unite. (She would do this if she was 17 and experiencing these problems!). Anyway here is a picture of the Ruin Card:

Now I'm not going to go into Jennie's head here, as that is her perogative in her own blog. Which you might be interested in reading, here it is: wherethehellisjenniesblog.com

The Ruin Card is the culmination of the Mind Fuck, if you ask me. This card can mean you are feeling insane because you are thinking too much. So much in fact that you can really be out of touch. It is a call to get OUT OF YOUR FUCKING HEAD and back into your soul. It even suggests finding someone to give you a reality check. You are so deep in the pit, or as my friend Charmaine used to say, you are in the soup pot, you can't see what's really going on, so you need a spotter, a reality check outside. The answer to all this is ... NOT IN YOUR FUCKING MIND. The good side of this card is what? You can see it's obvious: You are going to have to find balance or go crazy! This card is calling you to get out of your mind so that you can FIND BALANCE and joy and peace, and get back to spirit. So it's a great card, it means you are READY to get out of your head!

Reversed it says more of the same, there is a way out of this, but you just can't see it right now. So it says, don't give up hope! Once again... seek help. The ruin card is one of the few that suggest you don't turn inward, but turn outward. Find someone to give you some good advice and follow it! This card shows a lot of hope. It says currently you are having a hard time, but there is a way out, you can heal from your pain!

Some questions to ask yourself:

Where am I out of touch with myself?

How do I heal lost parts?

How do I integrate aspects that feel scary to me?

Where can I find someone to help me?

How can I make my mind stop racing around?

Anyway, those are the two cards. Now on to tommorrow!