May 3rd, 2012 - Thursday - Defeat

May 3rd, 2012 - Thursday - Defeat - True story: I was sitting here enjoying the early morning quiet, a feeling of joy and awe seeping through me... I grabbed the cards and shuffled... shuffle shuffle shuffle... and felt a flow of goodness and joy.  Mostly, gratitude.  I laid out the cards, quietly excited to pull a card and share it.  As I reached for the cards... a thought hit me:  "What if I'm doing the wrong thing?  What if I'm making a mistake?  What if I'm screwing up?"  The thought was sudden, sharp, and irritating.  I was filled with such open heartedness, raw, bare, and this THOUGHT came from nowhere.  I tried to shrug it off... no one was going to destroy the flow of goodness I felt.  So I reached, grabbed a card... and pulled the DEFEAT card!  I can't explain the Defeat card in any better way than the story above.  It is that THOUGHT.  It is sometimes considered a psychic attack card, meaning someone else is sending you the negative whoju, but if you look at the pictures you can also see the swords are bending down to a point.  It's your mind bending against you.  The Defeat card is that energy of my mind that took a beautiful, open hearted, painfully sweet gratitude, and suddenly had to stain it with worry, with negativity.This was an AWESOME experience for me to have this morning, and I must say I'm grateful for it, as disdainful as it was, but I share it with you today, so that you and I both can see how our minds are going to try and defeat us today with little thoughts... "What if I'm doing the wrong thing?  What if I'm making a mistake?  What if I'm...gasp... screwing up?"