June 18th - Queen of Swords

I got the Queen of Swords upside down today. Swords are always a mental card. Sign of Marriage and Partnership. Balance. Justice. This is one of those cards that suggests that you need to MAKE a commitment. Sometimes we don't make commitment because we don't want to be pinned down, but this card suggests that today making the commitment frees you up and lets you move forward.

I can see this with Jennie and my kids and my business. Sometimes I want to put off making decisions. It's a weird habit. Don't want to be pinned down, but the flow tells me when I need to make a decision and it actually does free me up.

I got this card upside down today, so let's go see what THAT means, shall we? This card is like some kind of female mind. I think it's like the masculine side of a woman. Feminine MIND. She sees through the bullshit. This card reminds me of Jennie a lot. She is like that. But for me, what does it mean? I'm not sure. I feel into it being reversed, and I'm thinking it's like thinking too much. Go to feeling, cut away the bullshit in MY OWN MIND, and go down deep into the darkness and come forth with clarity and power. There is more I don't know yet.

June 16th - Failure & Cruelty

I got the Failure card upside down. It was very relevant and good. I liked it. Jennie go Cruelty.

June 17th, 2010 - Power

I got the POWER card. Jennie got Defeat.

Sun and Bear Dreamer

Today I pulled the Sun card, and Jennie pulled the Magus, Bear Dreamer!!!! AWESOME!

June 14th 2010

Yesterday, Sunday, i got the Prince of Swords upside down... AGAIN. Two in a row. The basic idea is not to think too much. I went for a walking meditation, I did a energy meditation for 30 minutes, I road the bike, Jennie and I meditated on the Hermit, the Fortune, and the Lust Card. It was good. Jennie has blocks, but we really pushed against them. It was gentle, but firm. I liked connecting with her.

This morning I pulled the Victory card. Oh yeah!

Yesterday also read some Sextrology book, Aries Male. Some of it was DEAD ON. Some... just way off and didn't make sense. Then into Virgo female, and again, some described Jennie, some didn't. But Suzzane recommended it and we had a great night reading. We do so much better when we read and touch and talk instead of watch TV.

June 12th

Knight of Swords, upside down

June 11th

I have spread the cards on the table but have not pulled on yet. It's 6:15 PM. Sometimes you pull one at the END of the day to see what kind of day you had! I feel good. It's Friday. I'm still mad. i am still mad. But good mad. Things need to change.

I asked my soul a question: "Soul, reveal to me my true place in life." And change is requested and answered. I'm not sure what, but it ain't necessarily what I'm doing. It's out there. It's powerful and down from my gut.

I pulled cards with Jennie. She got the Hanged Man, upside down. I got the Sorrow card. At the time I didn't feel it made sense. But now it does. I feel sad.

Daily Kabbalah, RAGE, and a Card

I recently read a book by Yehuda Berg at the suggestion of Jennie and it was really good. So I go Yehuda's website and he has a little daily Kabbalah comment he sends out. I've always been a fan of quotes, little pick me ups, but by the time I get this experienced in life, most quotes seem little tiny things and not so interesting. Well Yehuda's comments are really cool, they kind of always challenge you. I like that. They kind of support his Kabbalah point of view, but even if you don't believe his point of view, the challenges almost always urge you to live more in the present and take risks and love. Here is today's comment, to let you have an idea of what he says:

Thursday, June 10

Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation for the wisdom we've been privileged to obtain, yet those channels of wisdom are no longer with us on this plane. Often the wisdom was shared with great risk to life and limb, and most certainly reputation and safety.

So how can we express that gratitude?

Share that wisdom. Today, inspire someone else with it. Be a link in the chain what better way to say 'thanks' for the gift of enlightenment.

That is an interesting comment. I think the Kabbalah wisdom was passed down through time at great risk to many people, and perhaps there are some people out there who are his descendants who suffered greatly for it. He hints at this in his book.

He actually has lots of books. I've only read one. But it is the one I'm going to recommend to you know:

You can get the book here at Amazon: The Power of Kabbalah

I recommend the book, and if you want to dig into it more, go to The Kabbalah Center, where i got the daily quote. www.kabbalah.com.

RAGE

Last night I was filled with utter and horrendous hate and rage. It was interesting. I just was filled with it. It wasn't bad. But it was real. I didn't shirk from it. Last Friday night Jennie read the cards and said we were stuck. Sunday, again, Stuck. She was upset about it Sunday night. I felt it on some loose level, yes we are stuck. Then things flowed better, little bit by bit. But last night all that flow just stopped. It was just a stagnant energy. And it filled me with RAGE. I wanted to get into the DIRT. I wanted URRRRG. I'm sick of being so half assed . It's like we are priviligedge little babies who are learning a little here a little there. I'm not engaging in life fully. It's just sheer horror. I HATE IT. I'm filled with RAGE again as I write this. It's so half assed. I don't want that. I'm not authentic. This little pussying around game is just screwed. I spared no one my rage last night, it thundered through to the heavens and back to the earth. Sometimes you got to get mad. I'm sick of little steps. I'm sick of being disapointed. I had a dream a few nights ago where Jennie was this URG Kali figure, deep and dark and deep. That is the energy I'm going for. Fencing with. Not this pussying around bullshit. I was ENRAGED. Something has to change. I can't keep living in this half assed world. I asked my soul, (interestingly enough at Yehuda Berg's suggestion) to reveal to me my purpose and place in life and it came through last night. Wow. I even bitched at my angels. They are probably upset. I am either increasing the light, living on the edge, or it's just all bullshit. I know stagnation when I see it. It leads to death. I hate it. HATE IT. And hate that getting out of the flow is so accepted by the world, and I sound like such an alarmist when I point out it sucks.

A CARD

I pulled the Knight Wands, and Jennie pulled the Luxury Card:

The Luxury card I know called the Tom Mecham card. He pulled the card the other day and said it absolutely described his last 5 years. The general gist is that you've been living high on the hog, but not actually living responsibly. This is the kind of card that I see of as a warning before something worse comes along, kind of a prelude to a towerish kind of card. The sum of this card is really that abundance creates excess. When we create a little light, we sometimes stop living on our edge, and the light goes out. This is excess. The Kabbalah teaches us to constantly live on your edge. Keep opening. What is more attractive? A woman opening or a woman open? Always a woman opening. David Deida's living on your edge. Keep it there. The universe doesn't stop spinning. The feminine flows. Any block of that flow stops the light. Slows the light. Stagnation. Luxury shows you you did good, you had good, now be careful you don't wallow in it. Go back out and do something different. You'll know what to do because it will feel EDGY. If you feel edgy, you should do it. The Tom Mecham Card!

The Knight of Wands

Aries Aries. You can't get more Aries than this card, and I think it kind of reflects my anger. This card is EVERYTHING I was feeling last night. Let's get the fuck moving. MOVE MOVE MOVE. Amazing that I pulled this card. TRULY AMAZING. Go!