Sunday, November 1st, 2009

DOMINION

So this is the 2 of Wands. Wands are energy! Well yesterday was definite energy conflict. I also pulled this card upside down and it was one of the most insightful cards I have ever had. It warned me that my energy was out of control and that I needed to find a way to constructively take hold of the energy running through me right and use it for something good.

What did this mean? I knew EXACTLY what it meant. For whatever reason, Jennie is just sexual lately, and I'm getting to the point of just losing my mind over it. She has become more feminine lately, wearing dresses, and being more in tune with her feminine side, but none of that has come my way. She dressed in this sexy flapper dress for Halloween, she was the hit of the party, but was she interested in having sex? No.

I was thinking what Suzzanne said at our Tarot Reading Class, to this one woman whose husband was ultra frustrated with her because she had 'turned off' sexually. The reading was so interesting because I swear you could have applied much of it to Jennie and me, but the part I remember the most is what Suzzanne said about WHY the man had chosen this woman. It was because of SEX. Because her sexual energy. Without that, you are just friends, and he can get his friendship from guys. Suzzanne has a way of saying things blatantly, and just coming to the point. Notice to all women: It's ABOUT THE SEX. And it's not just about SEX SEX, it's about REAL SEXUAL ENERGY, the feminine energy is what men (or at least me) FEED OFF OF. IT keeps us GOING. When we want to give up and just escape the world, it is the WOMAN'S energy we need to keep going. David Deida was saying the same thing in his book Finding God Through Sex, which I read yesterday in the bathroom. It said men NEED a woman's sexual energy, it's what gives them power through the day. Without it they are just dying.

And YES there is another side to all this, what women need, which is LOVE, and being FILLED, but this card Dominino was so appropriate because I had just about run out of steam. I felt like I just can't keep going in a nonsexual relationship. And it reminds me of that song by Rush, Losing It, where he says "For you the blind, who once could see, the bell tolls for thee." Jennie was once completely open with me, all her feminine energy was given to me, fully. And I filled her up fully. But lately she's just closed. And it's literally tearing me apart. I'm not built for this.

It's ironic because she once warned me, nearly 2 years ago, that she and I could not survive in a level 2 relationship. At the time I kind of thougth we could, but she insisted we couldn't, and now I believe her. If we don't hit level three and open up to each other it just doesn't work.

And this card really helped me face that. It speaks of supressing angry (boy was I!). It suggested hitting pillows or going for a long solitary walk or hike. Let off some steam. And I was able to do that by first speaking with Jennie, and telling her flat out what I needed, which is her sexual energy and openness and her vulnerability, and her feminine side FOR ME! Not just for the world and work and for parties. And I need her to express VERBAL love for my children, and I need her to committ. These are things I need. And I was reading in David Deida's book that a true man is NOT afraid to tell a woman what he needs. I've been kind of feeling 'weak' for needing things (that is a whole 'nother card, I'm sure we'll see some day), and so I felt very clear and present. I told her what I needed. I need committment, I need to feel that safety, I need to know she loves my kids and won't let their messes cause her to leave, and I need her open sexual energy. There. I said it. I'm not weak.

So this card was correct in another way, it said once you get that energy off, and what I did beside telling Jennie was move a whole bunch of heavy furniture, that my head will be clear and I will feel better about the situation and make a more rational decision.

Which was totally true I felt much more loving and open toward Jennie instead of angry. And it led into tomorrow's card, which again shows the connectivity of all this stuff! There is a battle in me over Jennie, and when the sexual energy builds I stop seeing it rationally (or even spiritually).

Jennie's suggestion was instead of just hitting a pillow we have sex. But we never did, so I'm glad I moved the furniture.

Okay, onto a slightly different note, Jennie spent the weekend Party at Tommy's house reading people's card for 5 hours, and she did it again for a couple hours Saturday night at Brandy and Isaacs. She's getting way ahead of me so it's all the more important for me to keep pulling a card a day and learning about the cards!

Her card yesterday was totally her. It was the RUIN card, where again she was in her head. That's the girl's problem. She ought to listen to Hemispheres by Rush, where the heart and mind needs to unite. (She would do this if she was 17 and experiencing these problems!). Anyway here is a picture of the Ruin Card:

Now I'm not going to go into Jennie's head here, as that is her perogative in her own blog. Which you might be interested in reading, here it is: wherethehellisjenniesblog.com

The Ruin Card is the culmination of the Mind Fuck, if you ask me. This card can mean you are feeling insane because you are thinking too much. So much in fact that you can really be out of touch. It is a call to get OUT OF YOUR FUCKING HEAD and back into your soul. It even suggests finding someone to give you a reality check. You are so deep in the pit, or as my friend Charmaine used to say, you are in the soup pot, you can't see what's really going on, so you need a spotter, a reality check outside. The answer to all this is ... NOT IN YOUR FUCKING MIND. The good side of this card is what? You can see it's obvious: You are going to have to find balance or go crazy! This card is calling you to get out of your mind so that you can FIND BALANCE and joy and peace, and get back to spirit. So it's a great card, it means you are READY to get out of your head!

Reversed it says more of the same, there is a way out of this, but you just can't see it right now. So it says, don't give up hope! Once again... seek help. The ruin card is one of the few that suggest you don't turn inward, but turn outward. Find someone to give you some good advice and follow it! This card shows a lot of hope. It says currently you are having a hard time, but there is a way out, you can heal from your pain!

Some questions to ask yourself:

Where am I out of touch with myself?

How do I heal lost parts?

How do I integrate aspects that feel scary to me?

Where can I find someone to help me?

How can I make my mind stop racing around?

Anyway, those are the two cards. Now on to tommorrow!