January 27th, 2010 - Wednesday

Today I pulled the Trickster Magi. Hm... I wonder what that means? I can think of two things. One... President Obama is going to lie to me tonight, as most Politicians do on the State of the Union address, and/or I'll meet some deception in my annual HOA meeting tonight. Hm...or I'm deceiving myself. Hm....

January 24th, 2010

Today's Card was the Knight of Cups. I'm on my quest! It is weird, because today I have spent some time trying to get in touch with my Masculine Side and find out what I really want to do with my life. Connection. That's part of it, but today it wasn't clear. Jennie pulled a few cards for me from a couple other decks, and I got Rhianna and Melchizedek. Cool stuff.

Jennie has been really off recently. She's just not tapping into her feminine, and when I tell her she isn't doing this, she gets even more pissed at me. I try to help, but I'm just not helping right now. She needs to figure this out by herself I guess. She pulled the Strife card. It is hard to get a woman to get into her feminine, when she knows she's not there and needs to, but won't let me help! Being independent is a great thing, but what good am I if she won't let me touch her and take her and ravish her? She puts too much value in fighting, and less in surrendering. But then as Suzanne said, if she wilted like a flower and just surrendered without a fight, it might not be so fun!

Still, it pisses me off. She needs to surrender, but in her Virgo mind it has to be HER idea. What good is surrendering if it's YOUR idea? (GRIN)

I finally finished The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida today. I know, I've been reading it for years, but I never read the final chapter, Chapter 51. It was an amazing chapter. It really challenges me, just like everything else he writes. I'm always overwhelmed by this book. It's like a great new level. There will be other levels above it, but I can tell you it's new to me now and it fills me with challenge. Makes me stiffen up and say FUCK YEAH!

:)

Okay, that is my Sunday. Took some quiet time in a walk and found some strength, now I'm watching football wasting my life.

January 23rd, 2010 - Saturday

It has been snowing a lot this last week up here in Heber, and last night it was just heavy snow as Jennie and I went over to my Dad's house to take care of the dogs. The snow fell and as I walked the back yard of my Dad's house, the house where I grew up, memories of my childhood flooded back to me, the running around in the snow with a wooden sword, all bundled up. Something about falling snow in the night would get me out into it. It evokes emotions old and deep in me. Weird, but really cool. So this morning I'm up and while it's not entirely blue sky clear, it is much clearer and I look out my kitchen window (then sidling over to my living room window) and look out at the clear snowy fields (hoping to see the herd of elk that wanders by sometimes). It was beautiful, bright, and amazing. Gratitude filled me. The spirit whispered, the guides shouted, be grateful and SOAK THIS UP. I did and am doing so. When the spirit tells you to do something, do it. And don't ask why. Just do it. Have faith it will all lead to something better and good and deep and lasting. Love you all!

Okay... so you came a card? So you came for some psychic RAVISHMENT. Fuck yeah you did! How about some debauchery? Some down and dirty, sexy and nasty, debauchery? How about it?

Okay!

Here is today's card, pulled with unerring accuracy because you can't pull the wrong card! :) Don't let your ego screw that up for you!

How come that isn't the fancy scan from my new scanner? The Thoth Tarot Deck? We'll I'm home, the scanner is at the Office, so I had to go find it on the internet. It works.

Okay, seven of cups. What do cups tell you? Cups are watery EMOTION. So this card is an emotional card so to speak. Let's take a look at the image and tell ourselves what we see! I see seven cups overflowing with green nasty ass liquid. It's green, but sick green. The flowers are wilted. Maybe, just fucking maybe, there is a bit too much emotion going on. Maybe it flows too much and you are getting stuck! This is a Scorpio card, and is ruled by the planet Venus. So we have a little love from venus going on with some passion and sex from Scorpio, what does this tell you? It's party time animals! Maybe too much partying. Or maybe there is a 'friction' between love and sex. They aren't the same thing guys. Gals know that better than we masculine pricks. But you bitches know about that too, right? Yeah... you want love, so badly... that you sell your body for sex to get the love. Sex becomes love for you. Much more manipulative than us men. We just think sex IS love. You think if you give sex, you'll have love.

Good holy fuck, this has degenerated into a discussion on sex and love. WTF? I'm thinking of the higher divine nature of love and giving and sex and divinity, taught by David Deida. The Debauch card is not about that high level stuff! Debauch is level 1. Manipulate for what you want, either love or sex, and you got it all fucking confused.

So how might this apply to me? Could it have something to do with me and Jennie not having sex for months? I think it could! And without thinking too hard I can say obviously my balls are aching, obviously I'm filled with passion. She wanted to spoon last night and it felt good holding her, but somewhere in the morning (as is often the case) I woke up with my hand on her thigh and my balls started to ache. I wanted her! But has her own sexual issues, and as much as I have attempted to penetrate her (both spiritually and sexually) so far her walls are up. Sex is dirty and bad. So obviously two things come up. 1) Try and manipulate her into having sex. This is generally a bad idea anyway, but it is even less effective with Jennie as she doesn't succumb well to manipulation at all. Hell I could look her in the eye and tell her I honestly NEED sex, and it probably wouldn't make a difference. She's got her own thing going on up there. But 2), me having sex with her right now, as horny as I might be... isn't really love. I do love her, but I'm talking about opening her soul. Penetrating her spirit, joining her. The act of sex as divine offering before God. Becoming vulnerable, open, and STRONG. So getting some sex isn't going to necessarily do that. That's what the Debauch card is telling me today. I have a choice, and yes while sex is fun and needed, I do want to raise my game, so to speak, level three, level four, and really take Jennie to places she's never been before, open her up completely, have her surrender to me all the way, and feel that open divine flow of love as it becomes one with us and we become one with it.

So... the Debauch card, I'm afraid, is not going to lead to any dirty, nasty, kinky sex. I know you wanted to hear about that stuff, and believe me, I'm sorry to disappoint you! But this blog is about growth! Right? It's about love and learning and growth and depth! So.... NO SEX FOR YOU!

(grin)

On another note, Jennie has had two dreams in the last week that were very interesting. She told them to me, and I was able, after a bit of time, to put them together and discern them. I know it's only two dreams, but without doubt, I felt an energy there. I might actually be good at dream interpretation. Maybe. Something to explore and consider.

January 22, 2010 - Power

Today's card is Power. And instead of having to search all over the Internet, I have my new Trusty Epson scanner, and I have a better picture of the card.

So what does Power mean to me for the day? First of all however, what did the Queen of Swords mean yesterday? As far as I could tell, think it was just for me to be clear and get things done.

Note I have gotten the power card before! Not sure when, but it's back there. It is the four of disks. It is about POWER WITHIN MYSELF. I like that. Integrity. Strength of Character. Believe in myself. THis is a call today to power and an opportunity to take charge and make a difference in the world.

Today I will serve with integrity, and use my power for good, and bring that energy into every day living and work and love!

January 21st, Thursday 2010

Hello! Today I pulled the Queen of Swords, the second most powerful queen in the deck, and a libra sign. I guess Libra is my opposite as an Aries, but it is about cutting away the crap and getting things done with assertion. That the path of structure can lead to ease of mind. Start new things. It is a good 7 number, which is my Soul number and my path number.

Think about the freedom that comes from independence. The queen of swords is an independant gal! Think about when you were oppressed, and came out of it. Or had a toothache, and it went away. The queen of swords is the toothache gone away, it's rising out of the clouds, and seeing clearly.

So I meditated on this card, to ask myself and my guides and my angels and my Heavenly Father what it meant for me today? It's okay if it manifests later, but you can get right into it with your Angels and ask them the meaning of stuff right now. They may unfold it in time, but they more likely will start giving you answers right now because you are open and ready by the VERY ACT OF ASKING, which shows your faith. This morning I didn't get necessarily an answer yet.

Is the card someone I'm going to meet? Or is it me? Remember, I've taught you this before, but the Court Cards are often people in our lives. But they can be us. Or... check this out, it could be something totally different. A total different aspect of the card. I see this naked chick on a throne in the clouds. She's a ruler. She's just cut some guys head off and is laid back with a great green star behind her, that looks like it is made of glass. She's all laid back about things, look at her! She just cut someone's head off, or she's carrying the head with her for no reason, and she still holds it. She's a powerful woman. She's the Goddess Cali. She's for standing up and saying, no, that's bullshit. Bam. Off with your head. Maybe it's Jennie today, who on Thursdays tends to get more tired and cranky and tonight will have a Cali moment, but that wouldn't fit because mostly she has breakdown moments, and you see Cali here and she's not breaking down, she's just had enough! Hm... well we shall see won't we?

The passage through Sorrow and Failure, heavily laden cards with thoughts, trying to feel through them emerges into the Queen of Swords which cuts through the bullshit and rises above, sees clearly, comes at things from a different perspective and is ready to go forward. Sounds like this is a natural progression.

Love you Angels, Guides, and my Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit! The gifts are awesome! Thank YOU! More please. The more I know you the more I am close to you, the more I am growing. Again, thanks! For the tests too! They sometimes suck, I have to be honest. But thanks for everything. God bless you too!

Jennie pulled the Aeon.

January 20th, Wednesday, 2010

FAILURE - 7 of Disks

Good morning! Remember Neutral Mind? I woke to a NON neutral feeling of anger toward my son Riley. While I think Riley certainly pushes my buttons once in a while, I was definitely OUT of neutral mind this morning. Hell, I still fucking am. Thoughts of taking him out up on the hill and boxing him with gloves on have come to me. Taking his phone. Packing his bags. All thoughts coming from some need to be the 'dominant' male in the system. He is a young boy asserting his independence, and yet his disrespect of me when it occurs is 100% intolerable.

I think. This morning's failure card tells me to be careful. Let's go read about it and think and feel INTO the card, from a SPIRITUAL point.

Failure is the Seven of Disks, a Saturn Taurus card, with the Angel of Failure. The first line is that if I try real hard, I can make this experience a real struggle. Note that I have to try to make it a struggle. That is a choice I make, with my mind, is it not? Less mind Jason! Less mind and more SPIRIT. I can restrict myself right into an impossible corner. I could easily do that with Riley.

There is also the question here that life can be much easier, you just have to let it. Change the plane of your thinking. And I think I can do that. I need my spirit and body and all that FLOW to follow. Life CAN AND WILL get easier. I can feel that flow. So I jump into this fabulous delicious river.

Last night in our Meditation, Jennie and I heard a card about failure. I think it was the Fortune Card. But as children we tried all sorts of new things. We did it for fun. We failed a lot, but we kept going, because it was like a game. Well as we get to be adults, it sometimes gets so heavy and serious. She suggests in the meditation that we take the time to shift our consciousness when trying new things, and treat it like a game as a kid. Thus the fear of failure is gone.

Why do we have a fear of failure? It seems to be some artifact of evolution designed to protect us. Such as if you put your hand on the fire, you will get burned. You have learned something, so the memory of hot things is imbedded so as to protect you from further harm. When failing at things we sometimes get hurt. Exagerated hurt, or even real hurt. And so we have this inborn human conditional pretense of protection. Don't do this, don't do that, because it will hurt you.

It's the ego protecting us, which is great! It is good at that. But our SPIRIT is more than our Ego. Our Ego fights us not because it's crazy, but because it is SUPPOSE TO. It is there to protect us. Without a healthy ego we would be listless and most likely dangerous to ourselves and others.

When contemplating the Failure card we are contemplating the concept of trying and trying and keep trying. There IS an easier way, you can let it happen. You don't have to struggle. But it takes faith to do it. I believe Krysta, a psychic we saw recently, suggested this was the Indiana Jones Card, the walk of Faith, from the third movie. It takes faith, and you just go. You let go of your MIND. Sometimes you say to the EGO, TRUST ME. It will be okay. Failure if it occurs is NOT burning my hand. It is simply a lesson. Try this. Try that.

Think about it as a game. Or at a buffett. Try this food. Nah don't like it. So you tried the wrong food. Do you feel stupid? Sadly I do no some level, which means my Ego is too strong and my fear of failure too deep. This is the illusion again of the Mind creation Emotions, from the Sorrow Card of yesterday.

My prayer for the day: May God bless my son Riley with compassion and humility, may he bless me with faith to try and try and try and remember it's all a game and that failure is a fun thing just a part of the path, may God help my memory and cognitive thinking functions, and may God fill those I love and care for with an umbrella of protection. May the easier part of the path show up today, and may I receive it, from God himself, in love, and learning, and service and hope and charity, and reception of all that is good and happy. I receive. I believe. May God Bless you with all that your heart desires that is right in the universe. Let the love flow. Let the sight become keener. Let the Angels be heard. Amen.

January 19th, 2010

SORROW

Today was the sorrow card. Meditate on the concept of sorrow. Without learning what the card actually means, consider sorrow. It is not sadness. It is something totally different. Just as letting out of the air in your soul, a emptying feeling. What is Sorrow? Is it sadness for something you have done?

The Sorrow card is guided by Saturn, and is a Libra card. It says: "When we struggle with the belief that life is not fair or just this causes sorrow within."

So do I feel that life is not fair? I have certainly felt that way before. And I'm sure there are a lot of people who feel life is not just. That is a universal feeling isn't it? That sorrow (or sometimes even ANGER) when life is not fair (we can blame God) or when there is injustice. That really gets us going when someone deserves something and doesn't get it. That's an immediate feeling up inside us, whether it happens to us or someone else.

Sadness and Sorrow are MENTAL conditions, not emotional ones. This brings to mind the idea that all emotions had their seed in a thought or stimulus. You simply don't just feel an emotion. Something triggers it. Pathways. All the Charmaine stuff. Self doubt is an internal dialog of the mind.

I had a chat with my friend Ben Larsen today, who has had some difficulties with his wife. Could this be it? Could Ben be feeling SORROW, that life is unfair? I know when I was having problems with Samantha, I often felt it was just unfair that I had to go through it. That it was unjust. I didn't deserve it. Am I tapping into Ben's feelings? Depression and Sorrow come when a Mind is unable to let go of an event or perspective. With this card... the Tarot is telling you to let your mind out of the destructive loop it is in. That could definitely be Ben, but let's not be obtuse. Could it be me?

Of course it could be! So what destructive loop might I be in? How can I choose to cultivate joy? When Sorrow comes into my mind, can I acknowledge it and CHOOSE a more pleasant thought?

The very core of this card is the concept that our thoughts control our emotions. What am I thinking when I'm feeling down? What am I thinking right now? I just thought the words, "I am happy." Did it work? Did I feel happy? Sure. "I am peace." "I am joy." "I am safe." "I am faithful." I am faith. Hope. Love. Charity. In the name of Jesus Christ! In the name of GOD. I choose to think good thoughts. That's it. Just choose to THINK GOOD THOUGHTS.

Am I strong enough to allow the sorry to move through me? Am I prepared to be transformed into a more positive energy? YES! Am I afraid of my inner pain! Sometimes, yes. Am I afraid to be alone? Yes and No. Am I afraid there is no one out there for me. No. Am I afraid I will never stop crying? No. Am I afraid to admit where I have sorrow for fear no one will love me? No.

THINK. COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR.

Thoughts control your emotions. Feel into that. THINK into that. And yet we are more than our feelings, more than our thoughts, more than our emotions.

Jason

PS - Channeling class was awesome. Tiring, but good. It opened me up and tired me out. We need to go on a retreat somewhere. I'm going to go look up David Deida's website and see if he's speaking anywhere in the world soon.

Card For the Day and Channelling

Today Card was... (oh wait... you are asking, where the hell have you been? Yes I know. I haven't written in a while. I know, that is turdish of me, but I'm back. See! Right here! This is proof I'm back, you are reading my words! So... without further ado, let me tell you the card for the day...

THE QUEEN OF CUPS!

Shall we see a picture of here?

Let's do that!



So tell me about the Queen of Cups! Okay, she is the watery aspect of water. She is a Scorpio, which at this point in time I know almost nothing about. She is the Angel of Vision and Prophecy. Do you know why this is cool? Because Suzanne Wagner had a class today on Channelling! And this getting in touch with the flow of God and Angels so they can talk to you so you can help others. Well... Suzanne is a great teacher, with lots of enthusiasm, and yes she has a website (who the fuck doesn't these days?) so go there and check it out. The link above should suffice, but if it doesn't, here is her address: http://www.suzwagner.com/

So can you see the synergy of getting the Queen of Cups, a card about deep waters and prophecy, right before I take a class about deep waters and prophecy? It's cool. There is more I could say about the card, but Jennie wants to watch a football game, and I can't blame here. BTW... speaking or DEEP FUCKING WATERS, guess what? Jennie FINALLY has a blog! YES. Not just a joke blog, but a real one. Go read her first entry! It's a great one, and tells you more about Channeling than I did. Here it is: DEEP WATERS. And if the link doesn't work, you can just copy and paste this into your browser. Or just type it in yourself. I'm sure you will eventually find a way to read what she's saying! Anyway, tomorrow is another class and another card! God bless you all!

http://adayinthelifeofdeepwaters.blogspot.com/

January 4th 2009 - Prince of Wands

Today we pulled the Prince of Wands! A fiery guy on a chariot with a huge headdress, with a lion pulling him! He is the Angel of Optimism and Adventure! This card shows up for people in love. It is idealistic love. It is a time when you think the other person is perfect in every way. It is a temporary thing. Optimism and idealism are good to start with, but they won't take you all the way. Maybe I can apply this to work, where things have been good, but will need more work. Or to Jennie and I, though I think we are past that new in love everything is rosy stage. This card represents that spark of enthusiasm.

I should ask myself today, if I meet a person like this. Or do I have an idea like this? I'm thinking of Parker, and he's so excited to start Nascrag and do this. I wonder if his enthusiasm will continue throughout or fade.

I like this card, because this person believes in the best, and goes forward. Optimism. I'm optimistic. :) I don't know what more to say. I will meditate on this card today.