January 23rd, 2010 - Saturday

It has been snowing a lot this last week up here in Heber, and last night it was just heavy snow as Jennie and I went over to my Dad's house to take care of the dogs. The snow fell and as I walked the back yard of my Dad's house, the house where I grew up, memories of my childhood flooded back to me, the running around in the snow with a wooden sword, all bundled up. Something about falling snow in the night would get me out into it. It evokes emotions old and deep in me. Weird, but really cool. So this morning I'm up and while it's not entirely blue sky clear, it is much clearer and I look out my kitchen window (then sidling over to my living room window) and look out at the clear snowy fields (hoping to see the herd of elk that wanders by sometimes). It was beautiful, bright, and amazing. Gratitude filled me. The spirit whispered, the guides shouted, be grateful and SOAK THIS UP. I did and am doing so. When the spirit tells you to do something, do it. And don't ask why. Just do it. Have faith it will all lead to something better and good and deep and lasting. Love you all!

Okay... so you came a card? So you came for some psychic RAVISHMENT. Fuck yeah you did! How about some debauchery? Some down and dirty, sexy and nasty, debauchery? How about it?

Okay!

Here is today's card, pulled with unerring accuracy because you can't pull the wrong card! :) Don't let your ego screw that up for you!

How come that isn't the fancy scan from my new scanner? The Thoth Tarot Deck? We'll I'm home, the scanner is at the Office, so I had to go find it on the internet. It works.

Okay, seven of cups. What do cups tell you? Cups are watery EMOTION. So this card is an emotional card so to speak. Let's take a look at the image and tell ourselves what we see! I see seven cups overflowing with green nasty ass liquid. It's green, but sick green. The flowers are wilted. Maybe, just fucking maybe, there is a bit too much emotion going on. Maybe it flows too much and you are getting stuck! This is a Scorpio card, and is ruled by the planet Venus. So we have a little love from venus going on with some passion and sex from Scorpio, what does this tell you? It's party time animals! Maybe too much partying. Or maybe there is a 'friction' between love and sex. They aren't the same thing guys. Gals know that better than we masculine pricks. But you bitches know about that too, right? Yeah... you want love, so badly... that you sell your body for sex to get the love. Sex becomes love for you. Much more manipulative than us men. We just think sex IS love. You think if you give sex, you'll have love.

Good holy fuck, this has degenerated into a discussion on sex and love. WTF? I'm thinking of the higher divine nature of love and giving and sex and divinity, taught by David Deida. The Debauch card is not about that high level stuff! Debauch is level 1. Manipulate for what you want, either love or sex, and you got it all fucking confused.

So how might this apply to me? Could it have something to do with me and Jennie not having sex for months? I think it could! And without thinking too hard I can say obviously my balls are aching, obviously I'm filled with passion. She wanted to spoon last night and it felt good holding her, but somewhere in the morning (as is often the case) I woke up with my hand on her thigh and my balls started to ache. I wanted her! But has her own sexual issues, and as much as I have attempted to penetrate her (both spiritually and sexually) so far her walls are up. Sex is dirty and bad. So obviously two things come up. 1) Try and manipulate her into having sex. This is generally a bad idea anyway, but it is even less effective with Jennie as she doesn't succumb well to manipulation at all. Hell I could look her in the eye and tell her I honestly NEED sex, and it probably wouldn't make a difference. She's got her own thing going on up there. But 2), me having sex with her right now, as horny as I might be... isn't really love. I do love her, but I'm talking about opening her soul. Penetrating her spirit, joining her. The act of sex as divine offering before God. Becoming vulnerable, open, and STRONG. So getting some sex isn't going to necessarily do that. That's what the Debauch card is telling me today. I have a choice, and yes while sex is fun and needed, I do want to raise my game, so to speak, level three, level four, and really take Jennie to places she's never been before, open her up completely, have her surrender to me all the way, and feel that open divine flow of love as it becomes one with us and we become one with it.

So... the Debauch card, I'm afraid, is not going to lead to any dirty, nasty, kinky sex. I know you wanted to hear about that stuff, and believe me, I'm sorry to disappoint you! But this blog is about growth! Right? It's about love and learning and growth and depth! So.... NO SEX FOR YOU!

(grin)

On another note, Jennie has had two dreams in the last week that were very interesting. She told them to me, and I was able, after a bit of time, to put them together and discern them. I know it's only two dreams, but without doubt, I felt an energy there. I might actually be good at dream interpretation. Maybe. Something to explore and consider.