January 20th, Wednesday, 2010

FAILURE - 7 of Disks

Good morning! Remember Neutral Mind? I woke to a NON neutral feeling of anger toward my son Riley. While I think Riley certainly pushes my buttons once in a while, I was definitely OUT of neutral mind this morning. Hell, I still fucking am. Thoughts of taking him out up on the hill and boxing him with gloves on have come to me. Taking his phone. Packing his bags. All thoughts coming from some need to be the 'dominant' male in the system. He is a young boy asserting his independence, and yet his disrespect of me when it occurs is 100% intolerable.

I think. This morning's failure card tells me to be careful. Let's go read about it and think and feel INTO the card, from a SPIRITUAL point.

Failure is the Seven of Disks, a Saturn Taurus card, with the Angel of Failure. The first line is that if I try real hard, I can make this experience a real struggle. Note that I have to try to make it a struggle. That is a choice I make, with my mind, is it not? Less mind Jason! Less mind and more SPIRIT. I can restrict myself right into an impossible corner. I could easily do that with Riley.

There is also the question here that life can be much easier, you just have to let it. Change the plane of your thinking. And I think I can do that. I need my spirit and body and all that FLOW to follow. Life CAN AND WILL get easier. I can feel that flow. So I jump into this fabulous delicious river.

Last night in our Meditation, Jennie and I heard a card about failure. I think it was the Fortune Card. But as children we tried all sorts of new things. We did it for fun. We failed a lot, but we kept going, because it was like a game. Well as we get to be adults, it sometimes gets so heavy and serious. She suggests in the meditation that we take the time to shift our consciousness when trying new things, and treat it like a game as a kid. Thus the fear of failure is gone.

Why do we have a fear of failure? It seems to be some artifact of evolution designed to protect us. Such as if you put your hand on the fire, you will get burned. You have learned something, so the memory of hot things is imbedded so as to protect you from further harm. When failing at things we sometimes get hurt. Exagerated hurt, or even real hurt. And so we have this inborn human conditional pretense of protection. Don't do this, don't do that, because it will hurt you.

It's the ego protecting us, which is great! It is good at that. But our SPIRIT is more than our Ego. Our Ego fights us not because it's crazy, but because it is SUPPOSE TO. It is there to protect us. Without a healthy ego we would be listless and most likely dangerous to ourselves and others.

When contemplating the Failure card we are contemplating the concept of trying and trying and keep trying. There IS an easier way, you can let it happen. You don't have to struggle. But it takes faith to do it. I believe Krysta, a psychic we saw recently, suggested this was the Indiana Jones Card, the walk of Faith, from the third movie. It takes faith, and you just go. You let go of your MIND. Sometimes you say to the EGO, TRUST ME. It will be okay. Failure if it occurs is NOT burning my hand. It is simply a lesson. Try this. Try that.

Think about it as a game. Or at a buffett. Try this food. Nah don't like it. So you tried the wrong food. Do you feel stupid? Sadly I do no some level, which means my Ego is too strong and my fear of failure too deep. This is the illusion again of the Mind creation Emotions, from the Sorrow Card of yesterday.

My prayer for the day: May God bless my son Riley with compassion and humility, may he bless me with faith to try and try and try and remember it's all a game and that failure is a fun thing just a part of the path, may God help my memory and cognitive thinking functions, and may God fill those I love and care for with an umbrella of protection. May the easier part of the path show up today, and may I receive it, from God himself, in love, and learning, and service and hope and charity, and reception of all that is good and happy. I receive. I believe. May God Bless you with all that your heart desires that is right in the universe. Let the love flow. Let the sight become keener. Let the Angels be heard. Amen.