Tuesday, December 1st 2009

Good morning! Well today Suzanne Wagner sent out her December Intuitive patterns email, and there was a line in it that caught my attention:

"It is only by letting go of what we think we know and allow ourselves to journey into unknown areas and adventures that we begin to feel fully alive."

Letting go....

"This same energy can cause you to become obsessive over romantic relationships and it is important to find ways to stay balanced and to not pine for the past situations."

This is important for me, because I have a tendancy to look BACK at the way things were, and want those again. But as Jennie said a few weeks ago it's about moving forward into something new. But I think the message here is that because all this new energy for December is here and coming, I might want to use it to try and RETURN to the past, instead of MOVE into the journey of the forward. This is worth meditating about.

Last night I had a dream, and in the dream I was depressed. Now I have felt depressed before. The heavy feeling that just damn near stops you dead in your tracks. It really sucks. I REALL sucks. And in this dream I felt it again, I was aware of it. I woke feeling TERRIBLE. I mean, I had a terrible feeling echo in me. Fear too. I HATED feeling depressed, because it is not me. That's the truth about all depressed people. It's NOT their true self. It's this blanket of fear and scary and sad and can't work. I hate that feeling.

Anyway, as I get some space from the dream I feel better but I think I take with me a GRATITUDE for feeling good. Remember what Thich Nhat Hahn says: Be grateful you don't have a toothache. How often do you sit and take a deep breath and express gratitude for not being depressed? When you have a tooth ache, all other things become secondary. But when it's gone, you forget to be grateful. That is what depression is. It's a reminder of gratitude. When it finally lifts, you feel SO MUCH BETTER, and you are so happy it's gone, and just filled with gratitude. But do you feel that way two years later? If you don't, then you need to have a dream where you are depressed, to wake you up into gratitude!

"If you can open and let go of the pattern that has allowed you to stay stuck you have the opportunity to find a valuable and balanced relationship."

This seems to be a good comment about Jennie and I my relationship. It's not just our relationship. It's all this change around us, and yet we seem 'stuck'. Not just us, but individually, as well as collectively.

"Think of your life like a dance that flows in directions that allow you to connect to a higher level and deeper emotions."

And this is the thing I seem to be intuitively seeking. I seek a deeper emotion and love with Jennie and my world, I seek a higher level of being and strength and love with her. And my heart is flowing with love and magic. I'm not content with being stuck. (Which is good.). But I should be GRATEFUL for the good we have, and LOOK FORWARD to even better and deeper magic. My intuition is right. We are stuck, but the answer is twofold: Be grateful, and look forward.

"True love deepens over time and allows the truth of each person to be expressed. Love is not constricting and limiting. Love is supposed to be generous and supportive."

Deepens... I need my love to deepen...

"True love is willing to move moment by moment with all the changing flows."

This is where we have gone off if you ask me. In fact my intuitive self has been screaming about this for 2 years. The flow of right action is where the joy and peace and happiness and adventure in our relationship was. Once we inhibited that flow (and we did) it's been a struggle. Every day is a STRUGGLE. It doesn't have to be a struggle if you are in the flow! That's the whole magic of it. When you say okay, and get into the boat, the river takes you where you need to go, and as long as you don't fight against the current, you are okay. There is a difference between working hard to obtain what you want, and STRUGGLING against the current. The struggle wears you out and stresses you out. True love... deepens with courage into the flow. That is the magic. Not looking back... but looking forward. Get into the boat, and relax, and see where it takes us.

"So this month take a look at what you are committed to? Are you committed to love, being right, oppressing others out of fear, or to the truth as you see it?"

Committed to LOVE! Not being right! I don't need to be right. I certainly don't want to oppress others out of fear. Or MY truth. Just love. :)

"Just because something is true from your experience does not mean it is true to others from their own experiences. You cannot give anyone your experiences or reference points, no matter how hard we try. If you try to impose what is right for you on others you create disappointment, isolation, and impasses."

This is something to remember. I can express my feelings and so forth, but in the end you can't give anyone your experiences. They just can't have yours. They have theirs. Not yours.

"we are all united in a goal of peace, prosperity, love, and appreciation of each other's gifts and abilities. Hold on to the truth of your heart and love. Know that by letting go of our personal history and stories you uncover ways that you could not see when you were egoically needing to be right. The winter is a time of sharing and coming together with loved ones. Appreciate the huge effort everyone is making during this holiday season and open your heart to a new place of generosity and grace."

So true. Let go of the restrictions, and just open up to the peace that is right there in front of you, get on the river and go for the adventure.

I was reading David Deida's Intimate Communion, and it's got some great thoughts. But one of them is echoed a bit here by Suzanne. Letting go of our personal history... Deida says pretty much the same thing. He says people get too worried about their old wounds from childhood. Everyone was wounded back then. The key to the cure is to move FORWARD. To open up to LOVE and go into Intimate Communion with someone. Take a relationship to level three. Begin that process. Instead of trying to heal the past, you heal the PRESENT BY LOVING. I thought that was profound.

Next Suzanne asks us to find a way to serve people this Christmas, and I think that's a good idea. Sometimes I go down to the homesless shelter and feed the homeless, but lately that seems off. I don't know why.

When I was a kid, maybe 18-20 years old, my friend David Smith was trying to get me to be a Mormon. He told be about the law of tithing, 10%. Well later on, I was reading another book on life by Og Mandino and he suggested tithing 10% as well, and then I read another book that mentioned the same thing. So I took my paycheck one day, and went downtown to Salt Lake City. And I took 10% out of it. And I went around to the homeless people hanging out on the street, and I asked them why they wanted money. To get food they said. So... I took orders. Really. I took orders and went to McDonalds and spent my 10% this way. I took orders and bought everyone dinner or lunch, whatever it was.

(Reflecting back on me doing this, I'm kind of amazed. Weird thing for a young kid to do).

Anyway, that's the kind of energy I'm seeking now. Service. Not just going to a preset up feed the homeless thing. I don't really feed them. I just ladel soup into a bucket. That's service of a type, but I think I'm reaching into something different. I just need to find it.

"I notice for myself that when I get scared or find myself moving into feelings of lack, all I have to do is do something for someone else. That immediately pulls me out of my personal drama. By becoming present with others I can instantly feel the huge gifts and support that I have from the universe."

I hear this all the time, and it's so true. It's weird when someone gives you love openly, just all their heart, you feel it so much, and when you give back, it takes you out of yourself. It's hard sometimes when you are depressed and stuck and stubborn. But it's good to force yourself to do it.

"In Buddhism there are two forms of merits. Merits are the plus points that you have earned from other lifetimes that support you in this life. Some call it luck. Some see it as opportunities that magically appear just when you really need them. They say you only take your good deeds and love with you when you die. That is a great incentive for me to remember to love others as fully, deeply, and openly as is appropriate for each situation and circumstance. It also reminds me that good deeds the come from my heart will accumulate in other times and show up when I need them the most. So every place I can be supportive to those suffering, I am also magically giving myself that same gift at a later time."

That's an interesting point, because as I was writing to you about my feeding the homeless from McDonalds in my youth I said to myself, what good did that do? What good did it do ME? Because I've just had such a shitload of bad luck in my life. A buckload of good luck too. That is interesting, the thought being that the only thing you can take with you is love and good deeds.

God, I'm getting tired of worrying about minor details and bullshit stuff. I seek love, and deeper love. It's what I'm being called to. I just don't know what to do about it at the moment.

Suzanne goes on about gaining abundance, and then KEEPING it. Gaining it is the easier of the two. But keeping it is harder.

So the two types of merits are: 1. Abundance merits. 2. Ability to hold on to the abundance merits.

The first one is easier to acquire. It is a merit that allows you to manifest money, wealth, opportunity, dreams, businesses, and the completion of projects and goals.

I think I have a pretty good ability to do this. But it's the second part that seems to elude me, in particular with my relationship with Jennie. As I hunger for the deep flow, I found her, but after an initial time in the flow, we got out. What's THAT about? I don't have time to dilly dally on the side of the river! I want to KEEP what I have gotten and let go and move forward. Does that make sense? Life is about working hard in the flow. Not standing on the bank fighting to get back into the flow. That's such a waste of time. The adventure is ahead, just do it already Jason!

Suzanne continues: But the second one is much more difficult to acquire and to hold on to. This one requires you to believe in yourself enough to know that you can manifest but that you also deserve and have earned to feel the abundance. Not just to give it all away but also to know that you can create safety and security for yourself and your family because you are love and you are worthy of the infinite gifts that the universe is offering to everyone all the time. It is our unworthiness that prevents us from fully enjoying our self, our life, and our abundance.

To feel that you DESERVE to have all the joy, passion, sex, adventure and love in your life. Wow. Of COURSE I deserve it. But is there not an insidious little part of me that thinks I don't? Of course. There is that part in everyone. To not just be able to serve and give, but to RECEIVE FULLY. IS there a block in me that stops me from receiving full love?

Think about it. Do I want a sexless, no affection, relationship? Nope. Not at all. I don't want it. But what part of me is not receiving that. After such abundance with Jennie, to go to being so stuck seems so deeply stupid and useless. I mean, Jennie and I had this great magic. She showered me with level three love, abundance, openness. Everything I have ever wanted, I sought for, and the universe had been trying to give to me. BAM. There it was. So why didn't we hold onto it? And YES, I'm aware that we need to MOVE FORWARD, and not get caught in the past, but I'm not talking about the past moment, but the past as BEING IN THE FLOW. That we need to return to and we just got out of the flow. Why did we do that? What part of me didn't feel worthy of the infinite gift of the universe? I mean, the universe wants me to have infinite love and the best relationship in the world. Here it is. The best. It's right here. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW.

Why aren't we doing it? It doesn't make sense. It's time to jump back in the river of life!

"So this December, give of your heart and soul. Feel yourself manifesting merits for your future by openly and honestly giving your gifts. In doing that know that you are safe, supported, protected, and worthy of great things. Then allow the giving of your essence to breath life back into your being."

Give of your heart and soul. That's a great place to start.

So after all that you are thinking I'm done, right? Please be fucking done, I don't want to read anymore of this STUFF! But I aint done. No way. I need to pull a card for the day!

So what card did I pull? Of course! The Satiety Card!!!!!!! Have it all Jason! Gratitude, love, giving, and RECEIVING!!!!!!

Life Path

Tonight Jennie did my life path for the week, and I got the Sun, meaning I am heading toward happiness, but I'm having a hard time being as happy as I could be. I need Strength and Pleasure, and I need to learn (Science) and need to make a CHANGE to obtain the increased happiness.

I was impressed with how on Jennie was. I had been thinking about that very stuff today, about being happy, and that I was definitely hitting some distortions about that. That is going on, the distortions, but I felt so much better after Jennie read the cards and I took some time to tell her about my own past stubborness. It clairified things for me in a great great way.

Well, what card will I pull tomorrow?

Saturday, November 28th 2009

The Moon....

That was the card for the day. So what does it mean and how does it apply to me? Before I tell you that Jennie led me to a nice little store today in which there were three ladies who sold all manner of stones which were filled with great good energy. I was filled with good light in there, and we purchased some things for the children and for Caitlen there. One of the ladies told us that she pulls one card a day (yeah... already doing that) and meditates on it... hm... meditates on it. I never do that. Sometimes I think about it, but I don't meditate on it.

I need to meditate on the cards and their meaning to me.

The Path: The path of The Moon is to be able to detect truth from illusion and fear. Look your fear directly in the face and take another step towards you dream.

Friday, November 17th 2009

So how are things going? Did you have a good Thanksgiving? This morning I pulled a card, as did Jennie. Her card was way more interesting than mine, but I'm going to talk about mine first. I pulled the Satiety card! The 10 of Cups! Cups is emotion!

This is the long term success card. This is the good stuff. You have arrived, you are ready, the fruit is in your grasp. You see this card you say now, relax, take it, enjoy it. It may mean change is coming, and has been surrounding you and is an affirmation to you that... YOU ARE READY FOR IT!!! God bless!

Jennie got the defeat card, and you can read all about that card and her interpretations of it and how it relates to her life at www.ohgodpleasewontyoustartbloggingsoonjennie.com

Monday, November 23, 2009

Fortune

The X (10) (ten) of Trumps!

Card of the Day

It was upside down.

Monday November 16th, 2009

Greetings. This Monday morning I asked a specific question the cards as I pulled my Card for the Day. The question I asked, is how can I make some more money? Now I meant this in the short and long term, in the sense of how do I make my business more successful? So I pulled a card trust in peace and calm in God and in the universe, and I pulled the Ace of Wands. So what does that mean? Remember, the Wands cards are all about energy, so right there that tells you that making money is going to have something to do with energy. What more can this card tell me that will answer my question and guide me on the path of learning and growing to make more money?

This card is ruled by the Angel of Impulse. Hm... what does that tell you? It tells me that energy can be impulsive, and that some money making will take being impulsive, but it also warns you to be careful of being TOO impulsive.

So this card represents the initial energy that gets things going. That is interesting isn't it? Since I was thinking about how to make more money, I have been giving a card that has given me energy to get things going! What should I get going? Is that the next question or is there more?

And let's considering something for a moment here, a pause so to speak. We are typing all these words and these are all mental images, but what can we FEEL about making more money? How can we feel how to get 20 of those 2,000k profit orders every month? There IS a way to do that, you know that don't you? I don't think that's just an Aries optimism, I think it's real. THERE IS A WAY. Of course I might not want to pay the COST, but there IS a way. And right now we are kind of hearing that it's about ENERGY. GETTING GOING.

Could this mean putting up the flyers and getting the psychic ball giong? How better to make money than to HELP OTHER PEOPLE?

It is time to begin something new. Allow the energy of this card to RELEASE the blocks within. Ah... So I will say a prayer (I just did) asking God to allow the energy of this card to release the blocks within me. Follow my impulse. I will have more energy than I thought I did. It is time to start something new. I am READY.

That is interesting. Begin it! Go. Let the energy FLOW through me toward new idea. I think this might mean the Psychic Idea. Like it did FRIDAY. Queen of Disks.com. Hm... Okay, so let's get going!

Sunday, November 15th, 2009

Good Morning Tarot reading friends. I know what you are saying. "Where the fuck have you been Jason?" I know! I've let you down! There are other considerations you know. Love, work, family, friends. So today we are back with an interesting discussion of Aries-Virgo. In Love. As many of you already know, Jennie is a Virgo, and I'm an Aries. This is a great match. We are totally opposite, but the opposites are so dang complimentary. If we let them. The Aries is fire and emotion, the Virgo is cool and practical. The Aries can benefit by being more cool and practical at times, and the Virgo can benefit from opening up and being more emotional and fiery.


Unfortunately, it turns out I'm running out of time because we are having guests over. We did some great spreads this morning and it gave Jennie and I som great insights. Plus we investigated the Aries - Virgo relationship a lot more, so it was good. These insights should be written down but time is a factor, what with work and family and all the other things we are working on.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Good morning my Tarot reading friends! Do you know what it means to be a Tarot reader? I think I want to pontificate about it. It means someone who is willing to look inside for answers. There are many ways the Tarot have been used over the centuries, primarily as a fortune telling device. It's no such thing. It is a guide to going INSIDE and LEARNING AND GROWING. It has the uncanny ability (if you are open to it) to helping you heal and grow and learn, day by day. Just a short note to sum up my feelings on the subject.

Okay, on another note, being a healer, or a reader, or a psychic, etc, is an individual thing, we get our 'information' from the universe in many different ways. One of our Guru's, speaking personally here for me and Jennie, is Suzzanne Wagner, who likes a very wide approach. By that I mean if you get a reading from her you get intuition (hers), you get card reading (tarot), you get your numbers (numerology), you get your sun sign (astrology), you get your palm read (palmistry). Holistic! Looking at everything from every different angel. Pretty cool way to do things, no? Or are you one of those people who reads the tea leaves, and that's all you need? I know a lady in Canada who just uses her intuition, the spirit. She can 'see' things, and angels speak with her. This is like Channelling. And it's all she does, and it's very good.

But I subscribe to the holistic method, primarily because I'm not sure if I'm actually 'called' to any one of the ways. Intuition is my calling, and Level Three is where I aim to be, in the flow of right action, so for me, ANY tool works. Like Brigham Young once said, (paraphrasing), 'wherever we find truth, we claim it.' Truth is truth. God speaks to the people of this planet in MANY MANY MANY different ways. Through religion, through intuition, through mystical spiritual paths, through tarot cards. The answer is always the same: "Learn to love, learn and grow, develop. Here is how...."

So I read a long time ago, which is probably considered the consumate be all end all of astrology books, Linda Goodman's Sun Signs:

So, to keep this short, I recommend everyone read this book. It's insightful about Astrology, and gives you a good basis for understanding yourself in relation to sun signs. I read the Aries thing and it's so spot on for me it's ridiculous. I just read it again a few days ago and I've been enjoying my 'Aries' nature a lot more. I think I'm coming into my own as a 'mature' Aries! It's an exciting sign to be! :)

So my card for the day was Prince of Wands! Energy, excitement, optimism, idealism. Today is a day for love, for positive energy, fire and air, burning bright and happy.

Jennie pulled the Art Card. We'll talk more about the Prince of Wands later I think, and if you want to read Jennie's take on her card today just go to www.jennieisasluguntilshestartsherblog.com.

Tuesday, November 10th 2009

Good afternoon! Missed a couple days over the weekend. Today's card is:




Well, what do you think? This is the mix of fire and earth, and is a sexual sensual card! I have been discussing it with Jennie, and rather than go into a lengthy repeat of that discussion, I'll just cut and paste that in here. I got the card reversed, which was very important in the flow and feel of things. Here you go:

JASON: The Princess of Wands Reversed means someone is being unrealistic of their capabilities around me. Take a good look around before I charge ahead. Look at where I am being deceived in some way. I may have promised something to someone that I am unable to give. It might be wise to confess that I cannot complete the project and ask for help. My enthusiasm has gotten me into trouble and I might be feeling a bit over my head.

The court cards are other people in my life, and while some of what is written above sounds very true, my question is: WHO is this card referring to?

Am I being authentic in my goals? Am I being my authentic self? Or am I intentionally manipulating the circumstances to my advantage?

I don't know for sure. You have any intuitive ideas?

JENNIE: The court cards can refer to you as well as people around you. I think it refers to what both of us are feeling right now. I bit in over our heads in regards to the house and money, you with your business, and the things that now need to be fixed. We recognize that and now we are taking a look at it and coming up with a plan. I think it is a reminder to FOLLOW that plan or we may become more overwhelmed.

You can find more on Jennie's blog, at www.Istillcantfuckingfindjenniesblog.com

Thursday, November 5th 2009

Today was the Empress Trump Card!

The angels of the Femine Protective Nurturing Mother. Agnel of the Physical Mother

The Planet of Love and Pleasure!

So... what does this mean for me? Jennie says I ALWAYS pull this card and that the univesrse is trying to tell me something. WHAT? I don't know. The Path says: The key to awareness is self-love. Take time to be with yourself. Do something uplifting and fun.

So for today, that's good advice. Let's be quiet, and do something fun that I need, and be quiet and alone. I want to organize my house, that would be fun. Watching the Office would be fun. What could I do alone? Writing this blog is fun and usually uplifting. Hm... Get back to basics and rekindle the simplicitiy in my life.

You know, I've been feeling a bit of that in my new house. It's so big and new, and I want to enjoy it. I felt that energy the other day when I was playing with my dog Churchill on the carpet. Just laying on the carpet and playing and having fun. That was just so COOL! I need to go and spend some time playing with the dogs. That would be uplifting and homeish. I should eat better, sleep more and get back to the DANCE of life! I like this card! It keeps coming up and the universe IS trying to tell me something.

I also know I need to get out and hike around my new home. That is WITHOUT A DOUBT something that I've been feeling. Get out and get outside. :) That is cool.

Emotionally I think it's a good idea to reconnect with family. Like my kids! Do something fun with them all. Make sure to protect Ame in particular! Watch a Movie. Play a board game. Just hang out. I felt this the other day when the kids were coming in late and going out. I said, we need to all be together in the house. We don't necessarily need to be doing the same thing, (though that would be nice) but we need to all just be home and spend time together. Nothing is cooler than doing that. I love when the kids come in and watch TV with Jennie and me, like So You Think You Can Dance, or Hell's Kitchen, or American Idol. We used to watch a lot more TV together in the past, and I miss just spending time with my kids.

Oh and eating dinner together! That is so fun and exciting to do, of course I love to cook, which is something I've got to do again recently and it's been just great. I make a neat Potato Soup and Tomato Soup. And Jennie makes a great Malibu Chicken!

Where may I be of assistant to others? With Jennie, to be her fire and her rock. Both! :) And the kids, to be their protectors, and listen to them and help them navigate the tough years of teenage stuff. They need me more than ever, with no mother, and losing their Grandmother. you can't take for Granted that they are just OKAY even when they SEEM okay. They need regular family meetings and life lessons. I know this because I can feel it and it is so consistent.

How can I nurture myself? Jennie? My kids? My Dad? The world? How can I get in touch with that oh so mysterious and strange feminine and let it flow through me in natural cycles? Today?

Self love! Get the brain and the spirit together today. It is time to rejoice and be happy. I am nurting myself and others, and it is a beautiful experience full of love and sharing. I have done well and I feel success.

Do I need to slow down and nurture myself? - ABSOLUTELY!

Am i giving too much of myself away? - In some areas probably

How do I express my love and compassion in the real world on a daily basis? - Good question. Through Hugs?

Who do I need to learn to hope my heart to? - My kids? Jennie? Myself?

Why am I afraid to love? - I'm not. But what aspect am I afraid to love?

How can i be loved if I am holding parts of myself away from others? - Not very well, can I? But I've been opening up lately, particularly to Jennie.

Speaking of Jennie, check out her blog: http://www.wherethehellisjenniestarotblog.com/

Wednesday November 4th, 2009

Ace of Disks

I think Ihave had this before. This is a balance card. Things are finally coming together on all levels. Here you are seeking wholeness. This card is like having your cake and eating it too! What do I need in order to feel secure in the physical plane? For me at the moment that seems tied to Jennie, but I think there are some internal things going on that are REALLY what's takeing place. Consider the big changes, business with Wizard of the Coast, my Mother passing away, a new house, and Jennie's own changes. My children are growing and changing, I'm managing that, I'm also starting this journey on the Tarot which requries me to look inside so much it can be really uncomfortable. Am I ready to have all I want? A beautiful sensual intelligent spiritual wife? A beautiful new home? A fantastic relationship with my children? A prosperous beyond my wildest dreams business? It's true, you can have it all, but you have to accept it, be ready for it, and ask for it. This card is saying, DO IT. Be ready. Have it all! Manifest your dreams of goodness on the material realm! That sounds very much like me, and for me yesterday. (Yes, I'm still fucking behind a day!)

I can't remember Jennie's card yesterday. Hm....Oh... she didn't pull one till evening. Last thing she did during the day. What was it? I was standing right there. Hm... I can't remember.

Well on to tomorrow! (Which is today).

Tuesday, November 3rd 2009 - MORE

Queen of Disks

So yesterday I quickly told you what my card was but today I'm going to take a little bit more time and look at it better. Remember, Jennie's insight was that this card meant her and that I should rely on her more. So here we go:

Angel of Motherhood and Wifely Duties

This is the Virgo Virgo Card. This IS... THE... Virgo card. The sign of work and self improvement! As we allow teh pure joy of work to inuse our everyday world we learn that giving to others creatures a giving back to ourselves in other ways.

This is a practical card. Domestic. Nurturing, gentle and kind. Gracious, supportive, fruitful, and giving. Motivator. Determines Family Values. Patient, trustworthy, self-reliant, and good at setting boundaries.

This card could possibly reveal your stubborness if you live a life of unexpressed creativity.

This card reminds you to PLAY. Everyone else is having a good time, you need to give yourself permission to play. Take a moment and decide what you really want to be doing with your life. Now is the moment to create your dream. TODAY. DO IT. Everyone else around will be fine.

Hm... so what does that mean to me? And what does that mean to yesterday? Without a doubt as I read those things about this card I feel this positive energy and want those things in my relationship with Jennie. But I don't see what it means to me unless Jennie is right and she is saying I need to rely on those things in HER.

Hm...

It is a very positive card, I'm still not sure how it worked through me yesterday! Jennie had The Lovers Card. Let me read more about it:

Learning to love is the desire to find wholeness through opposition. Opposites attract in the dance of love and intimacy. Remember if you are drawn to someone, they are reflecting somethign to you that you are unable to see t this moment. In learning to love them you are learning to love that fragmented aspect within you. Bring that concept into your conscious awareness and allow the love to heal the lost parts within.

While once again I won't try to analyze Jennie here, this does bring some good thoughts about me. What in Jennie do I see that is a part of me that I need to heal? That is an interesting question.

Hm... Okay. I'm going to pull tomorrow's card (and yes, if you didn't realize it, I am writing this November 4th, so I really mean I'm pulling TODAY's CARD).

Today's Card is... Science AND Ace of Disks. I think I've pulled the Ace of Disks before. That might be my first duplicate. (So you are asking how I pulled TWO cards? I'll explain that! In the next post!)

Tuesday, November 3rd 2009

Today's card was the Queen of Disks, which is a motherly home card. Jennie told me it means that I need to rely on her more. It was cool. I was kind of at a loss as to what it might mean. Jennie's card was the Lovers, which still doesn't seem to mean much to me, but she thinks it's some type of integration with work and people. Something like that. I might add more to this later when I get some time.

Monday, November 2nd 2009

Good morning! So this morning's card for me was The Magus Bear Dreamer, and Jennie's card was Success! After the ruin of yesterday, she needs a little success! :) The Magus Bear Dreamer is one of the trump cards, the first one after the fool, and is a positive card. The bear dreamer version says to stay in your head! That today the call and the peace comes deep within. Isn't that cool, since yesterday I was filled with sexual rage and tension, today I'm at peace (apparently I moved enough enough furniture) and should look within for my answers. Let's read some more about it, but first let's take a look at it:

Note there is a lot of symbolism in the cards, which I haven't really touched on. We learned a lot about that in the class, and Jennie seems to understand that a heck of a lot better than I do. So I'm just going off the card interpretation more than the symbols in the card, but you can see the guy is being held by a big bear and he's dreaming.

So the angel for this card is the Angel of Communication through introspection and dreaming. So look WITHIN to get communication! This card tells you to turn inward!

On the physical level: The universe is asking me to stop and reevaluate my present circumstances before I begin. I wonder if this means selling Magic the Gathering? Or something else? It says I might be frustrated that things are not moving like I want them to. This could mean not having enough sex with Jennie. But it says to not worry. To not worry about her, but worry about me. Hmm? Could THAT be it? Not sure. This card is asking me to get ready INSIDE for change on the outside. Get ready before it happens. Get set. Turn inward and be totally ready to receive the change and start the journey. It says to imagine what the next step would be if I got what I have been asking for.

What if Jennie was a totally open companion? That's a good question to ask. What if she was really feminine and really CHALLENGED me with her feminine force. I have been trying to pull it out, but what if it FULLY comes out. That could be challenging and overwhelming. Am I ready for that? Or what if it's something else. Whatever it is, the chard is saying, get ready for the increased success and blessing you want in your life, no matter what it is.

Emotionally it says to face parts of yourself that you are afraid of. So on your quiet inward journey, what are you afraid of? Go there.

Spiritually it's pretty much the same thing. Go to where you are afraid. What is your TRUTH? Are you facing it? You are looking for spiritual wisdom that is FOR YOU. What is TRUE FOR ME? Be flexible. "This is what is true for me now in this moment, but as I grow nad evolve in the next moment that may change."

Go deep inside and communicate DEEPLY with your inner self. This is a separate from the chatter around you. Today... you need to seek your own wisdom deep inside. And trust it. Think subtly, subconcious, inspiration, higher planes of consciousness. Clairvoyance!

This card tells me to turn inwards today. I'm not sure if it relates to anything in my personal life right now that we've been talking about, but I will try to be quiet today, and calm, and peaceful, and look within for answers.

Love!

Okay Jennie pulled the Success Card! I'll look over it for a minute:

Six of Disks! - Here is the card:

Remember, I'm not trying to discuss how the card relates to Jennie. That is her own personal journey. But I'm just going over the card as a way to learn more about these cards:

This card basically says you are ready! Go for it! You are all settled. The pieces are in place. You have the skills, the knowledge, the confidence, the universe is aligned. Go for it. Tomorrow it might be different, but today you feel good and everything is looking up.

This is a YES card, a good positive card. Good things will happen today, go for it!

Sunday, November 1st, 2009

DOMINION

So this is the 2 of Wands. Wands are energy! Well yesterday was definite energy conflict. I also pulled this card upside down and it was one of the most insightful cards I have ever had. It warned me that my energy was out of control and that I needed to find a way to constructively take hold of the energy running through me right and use it for something good.

What did this mean? I knew EXACTLY what it meant. For whatever reason, Jennie is just sexual lately, and I'm getting to the point of just losing my mind over it. She has become more feminine lately, wearing dresses, and being more in tune with her feminine side, but none of that has come my way. She dressed in this sexy flapper dress for Halloween, she was the hit of the party, but was she interested in having sex? No.

I was thinking what Suzzanne said at our Tarot Reading Class, to this one woman whose husband was ultra frustrated with her because she had 'turned off' sexually. The reading was so interesting because I swear you could have applied much of it to Jennie and me, but the part I remember the most is what Suzzanne said about WHY the man had chosen this woman. It was because of SEX. Because her sexual energy. Without that, you are just friends, and he can get his friendship from guys. Suzzanne has a way of saying things blatantly, and just coming to the point. Notice to all women: It's ABOUT THE SEX. And it's not just about SEX SEX, it's about REAL SEXUAL ENERGY, the feminine energy is what men (or at least me) FEED OFF OF. IT keeps us GOING. When we want to give up and just escape the world, it is the WOMAN'S energy we need to keep going. David Deida was saying the same thing in his book Finding God Through Sex, which I read yesterday in the bathroom. It said men NEED a woman's sexual energy, it's what gives them power through the day. Without it they are just dying.

And YES there is another side to all this, what women need, which is LOVE, and being FILLED, but this card Dominino was so appropriate because I had just about run out of steam. I felt like I just can't keep going in a nonsexual relationship. And it reminds me of that song by Rush, Losing It, where he says "For you the blind, who once could see, the bell tolls for thee." Jennie was once completely open with me, all her feminine energy was given to me, fully. And I filled her up fully. But lately she's just closed. And it's literally tearing me apart. I'm not built for this.

It's ironic because she once warned me, nearly 2 years ago, that she and I could not survive in a level 2 relationship. At the time I kind of thougth we could, but she insisted we couldn't, and now I believe her. If we don't hit level three and open up to each other it just doesn't work.

And this card really helped me face that. It speaks of supressing angry (boy was I!). It suggested hitting pillows or going for a long solitary walk or hike. Let off some steam. And I was able to do that by first speaking with Jennie, and telling her flat out what I needed, which is her sexual energy and openness and her vulnerability, and her feminine side FOR ME! Not just for the world and work and for parties. And I need her to express VERBAL love for my children, and I need her to committ. These are things I need. And I was reading in David Deida's book that a true man is NOT afraid to tell a woman what he needs. I've been kind of feeling 'weak' for needing things (that is a whole 'nother card, I'm sure we'll see some day), and so I felt very clear and present. I told her what I needed. I need committment, I need to feel that safety, I need to know she loves my kids and won't let their messes cause her to leave, and I need her open sexual energy. There. I said it. I'm not weak.

So this card was correct in another way, it said once you get that energy off, and what I did beside telling Jennie was move a whole bunch of heavy furniture, that my head will be clear and I will feel better about the situation and make a more rational decision.

Which was totally true I felt much more loving and open toward Jennie instead of angry. And it led into tomorrow's card, which again shows the connectivity of all this stuff! There is a battle in me over Jennie, and when the sexual energy builds I stop seeing it rationally (or even spiritually).

Jennie's suggestion was instead of just hitting a pillow we have sex. But we never did, so I'm glad I moved the furniture.

Okay, onto a slightly different note, Jennie spent the weekend Party at Tommy's house reading people's card for 5 hours, and she did it again for a couple hours Saturday night at Brandy and Isaacs. She's getting way ahead of me so it's all the more important for me to keep pulling a card a day and learning about the cards!

Her card yesterday was totally her. It was the RUIN card, where again she was in her head. That's the girl's problem. She ought to listen to Hemispheres by Rush, where the heart and mind needs to unite. (She would do this if she was 17 and experiencing these problems!). Anyway here is a picture of the Ruin Card:

Now I'm not going to go into Jennie's head here, as that is her perogative in her own blog. Which you might be interested in reading, here it is: wherethehellisjenniesblog.com

The Ruin Card is the culmination of the Mind Fuck, if you ask me. This card can mean you are feeling insane because you are thinking too much. So much in fact that you can really be out of touch. It is a call to get OUT OF YOUR FUCKING HEAD and back into your soul. It even suggests finding someone to give you a reality check. You are so deep in the pit, or as my friend Charmaine used to say, you are in the soup pot, you can't see what's really going on, so you need a spotter, a reality check outside. The answer to all this is ... NOT IN YOUR FUCKING MIND. The good side of this card is what? You can see it's obvious: You are going to have to find balance or go crazy! This card is calling you to get out of your mind so that you can FIND BALANCE and joy and peace, and get back to spirit. So it's a great card, it means you are READY to get out of your head!

Reversed it says more of the same, there is a way out of this, but you just can't see it right now. So it says, don't give up hope! Once again... seek help. The ruin card is one of the few that suggest you don't turn inward, but turn outward. Find someone to give you some good advice and follow it! This card shows a lot of hope. It says currently you are having a hard time, but there is a way out, you can heal from your pain!

Some questions to ask yourself:

Where am I out of touch with myself?

How do I heal lost parts?

How do I integrate aspects that feel scary to me?

Where can I find someone to help me?

How can I make my mind stop racing around?

Anyway, those are the two cards. Now on to tommorrow!

October 30th, 2009

Hello folks! Yesterday's The Fool card urged me to leap, and so I bought tickets for me and Jennie to go to San Fransisco. Not sure if we can find any babysitters for the kids, but I trusted we will find something. I hope. :) The Fool! Okay, let's see. Today's card is....



Cool, huh? Wht does the six of swords mean though? First of all the Angels for this card are the angels of Science and Knowledge! So that tells you something doesn't? This is about learning, and knowledge, possibly about school, and technology. Let that sink in a moment. Maybe I need to learn new things? What do you think? Or concentrate on a specific science or category of knowledge, or maybe it means get out of my heart and into my head, though I don't think it really means that.

Let's discuss further. I think the card is in many ways one of the simpler ones. It's time to learn. To open your mind, to admit you don't know something, and go and do it. When learning opportunities come today, I will open my mind, and seek to learn. Of course think about the Tarot and ALL mysticism. I'm right here right now LEARNING about it. And while I may not be called to be a Tarot Reader, I might just be opening my mind and heart to the flow of the universe, to God's good will through me. As I have heard prayed before, so too do I pray: "Oh that I might be a good servant to God."

Suzzanne's book discusses the concept of balance with this card, where the mind communicates with the spirit. So that your learning isn't just boring book knowledge, but real balanced learning that will advance your spirit.

I just had an image of wannabee psychics sitting around a table reading the cards for fun hoping for some fantastic look into the future. Or hard core damaged people looking at the cards to continue their spiralling inner journey of torment.

That's NOT what I want this to be here. This is about having fun and looking at yourself and learning and growing and helping understand yourself and helping others otherstand themselves. If you don't have a smile, and yet at the same time take it seriously, without the depressing self loathing, then don't do it.

Okay, sorry about THAT aside.

The Science card warns about being a in a rut, and getting out and doing something new, and the new is to LEARN something. And learn something that will further your hope and dreams and your purpose on this earth! Something that will excite you!!!!!

Okay Jason, go out there and LEARN today.

Thursday, October 29th 2009

So it's been a while since I did this, due to me being really busy and not disciplined enough and so forth. But today, Thursday, October 29th, 2009, I am back on the horse. So to speak. The card I pulled today is... well I'll let you see it for yourself:

That is the Fool. Probably one of my favorite cards! It is the card of new beginnings. It is the card of go ahead and do it! Jump! Everything will be okay, but it might be a bit scary, but you should still do it. It's the excitement of new beginnings.

So what does this mean? It means that I'm going to San Fransisco with Jennie in December. That's what it fucking means!

Day 2 - The Emperor

It is interesting that thinking about the card is much different based on when you pull it. Yesterdays card was AFTER the day was over, and I was looking at it to see how it related to my day. Today's card I pulled in the morning, and so I'm thinking how will it apply to my day? Interesting. I might want to come back this evening and add a line or two to say how it turned out. No?

Okay, today's card is my card, the 4th Trump, the Emperor. Here is is:

Notice the power, the color of red and power. This is a brain card. Notice the shield, the scepter of power, but also notice the lamb is there at peace. The lion and the lamb.

This card is ARIES all the way! It is about ACTION and MOVEMENT. It also represents the father figure, it is about responsibility and being a good father and being fair and honest. Emotionally it teaches that success comes from calm not from reaction. Spiritually it teaches us that "He who shares the most honest and powerful aspects of himself, wins." When the Emperor shows up, it is a wake up call to rise to the challenge. So the question is, what is the challenge today that I'm being called to? To rise up to it, and step beyond what I thought was possible. To really rise to the challenge. When I want to fall down, this card will give me the energy and focus to stand up and gather up my courage and get going with all the energy I can muster.

Am I ready for the next level of responsibility? - I think I am, but the concept of being faced with this challenge is making me nervous. What could it be? I guess it doesn't matter, but to face it with all the energy I can muster. Even if I'm scared out of my fucking wits.

Am I willing to take charge of my life? - Absolutely. Live life, don't let it live you. This sounds so simple! Is it hubris to say yes I want to take charge of my life?

Am I willing to stan dup for what I believe? - I sure hope so. I can feel that challenge out there. Being strong and standing up for what is right. Even if you risk losing everything.

Am i judging others unfairly because of my own self-doubt? - I sure hope not, but this is something I'm sure I'm capable of doing and today I should keep this in mind so I don't do it!

Am I overriding others wiht my power to get my own way? - Good question, and with my kids I should be careful about this. I should be careful on every level to be fair. This card is about power, but power with fairness and goodness. The good father. It is King Arthur. The Round table.

Am I justifying the reason I feel so stuck? - I don't think so, but I could be doing this too.

Okay, well that is the Emperor for today, and so it will be interesting to see how it turns out! Bless you my readers. All one of you!

A Day in the Life of Tarot

Welcome to what a million other wanna be psychics have already started! A daily blog on the Tarot! Yes, I, your humble amateur psychic reader, Jason F. Smith, am begining to learn the Tarot. This weekend I took a class from the esteemed Suzzane Wagner, along with Jennie Stanchfield, and learned all there is to ever know about the Tarot. Well... not exactly. I learned about 17 hours worth. I know. I know! You need 10,000 hours before you are an expert, so at this point, I'm a bit off from the mark. But... hey, it never hurts to start, and why not start with a little confidence? Or at least humor! I hope you enjoy reading my daily blog on the Tarot. I will start with the first card momentarily.

This is how it will work. Every day I will pull one card randomly from the Aleister Crowley Thoth Tarot deck. Then... I will tell you in short a little about the card. THEN... then I will tell you how it applies to me! This might get a bit personal, but then again, if you are going to be good at this crap, you better be willing to face your shadows, much less the shadows in other people. So, that's it in a nut shell.

Oh, I might swear in this blog. That means the f word, and all sorts of things like that. Just a warning. Then again, I might NOT swear, it all depends on the fucking cards I pull.

Oh, one LAST thing before we get started. If you want to comment, feel free! Good and bad, let me know what you are thinking!

Okay! Finally! Here we go! Shuffle! Shuffle! Shuffle! Cut into three piles, then...

If you can't see the picture, then what you aren't seeing is the Ace of Disks. First of all, what do I know of Disks? Money. Earth. Disks are a lot about material stuff, and they are earthy. So what is the Ace of Disks? (Yep, I'm trying to do this without cheating and looking in the book). Hm... Shit. I can't remember. Got to look in the fucking book.

The Ace of Disks represents Spring. The beginning of things. A new beginning perhaps? I'm full of new beginnings. For instance, I sell Magic the Gathering in my game store. A couple months ago the company that makes it, stopped selling to me even though I was one of their biggest sellers. Complicated is that story, so I will skip it, but today they asked if I would like to start selling again. Well... that seems to constitute a NEW BEGINNING, does it not? And it has to do with money, so we aren't too far off here are we?

This card also discusses the concept of balance. If you are in balance, are you then ready to move forth to do something new? This isn't just about getting rich outside, it's about getting rich INSIDE. Are you ready to be rich inside and outside? Are you balanced in all ways in your life? This is like getting all the good in life, the good inside and out. So how does that apply to me? I mean, I felt a lot better today, I was more balanced in work, but I'm not too sure what it means except that I can feel balance returning after yesterday's shaky day. It is time to begin. This makes me think it's about selling Magic the Gathering again.

So are there any warnings? Of course there are. This is the fucking Tarot! Is it possible I want too much? Almost always, no? Yes! Just because we CAN sell Magic the Gathering again, SHOULD I? I think the answer is suddenly yes. But... HOW do we do that? Things have changed since I last did some Magic selling, so maybe I have to be adaptable and ready to play the game differently, no?

Okay, well that kind of applies to me, actually, it really applies to me. Now... a bonus! Let's ask Jennie what SHE thinks the card is about without her looking! Here we go:

Jennie: It is about being dazzled. Somewhere in your life you want be dazzling and dazzled. When you start something new you are excited and dazzled by it. It also has something to do with abundance and wealth! (I think).

Jennie was pretty close, no? Well now that you have read MY blog on the Tarot, go read Jennie's, because I'm sure she has some great things to say about HER card for the day!!!

Now where is that link to Jennie's blog?????